Collaborator Post: He Said, She Said!

July 25, 2016 1 By Bethanie

Okay, So this weeks blog post is a little bit unorthodox, this week I’ve decided to collaborate with my friend Ben, in a follow up post from my dating post a while back!

So this week, we’re doing a “he said, she said” post, Ben and I both asked each other about situations that might happen on a date or sometimes even throughout a relationship, to give you all an insight into how the reactions to these situations may be different between both genders, which will hopefully, help you a little bit in the dating minefield!

He said:

“I have kids” – If a girl told me that she had kids on the first date, I probably wouldn’t get back in contact with her and would let things fizzle out over time.

“I caught feelings” – Ummmm no, this isn’t okay.

“Ex-Partners” – Too much talk of exes can set off a lot of alarm bells and red flags, as it can feel as though she’s comparing you to how they behaved etc, so too much ex talk is a no go.

“Quiet people” – No, it’s difficult to start off a conversation.

“Annoying people”. Noooooooo, Nobody likes a person with annoying traits or habits

“Fussy Eaters” – To difficult to decide on where to go on a date, this is really just a no.

“Non- Enthusiastic” – People who seem as though they have somewhere better to be, or those who just aren’t interested, are just a no go, they don’t get a second date.

” People who are more interested in their phone” – People who are constantly on their phones during a date just come off as ignorant and look as though they would rather be elsewhere.  (This is me on a date…. like you could be, I don’t know Prince Harry, and I’d still check my phone under the table on our date, sorry Ben) 

” Openness about sex life (when out of context)” – This can be a little off putting, I don’t want to know that you and Tommy from school tried anal when you were 15, on the first date,  leave it out.

” Bad conversationalists” – This is a no, no. You need to be able to talk to someone both on dates and in a relationship, so if your bad at conversation and its not because of nerves, then its a no from me.

“People who throw things things” – Please put this quote on my tombstone, as I have absolutely no clue what this means, but, it’s poetic.

” Open minded people” Yes, yes, yes!

” Smiley, happy, listening” – These are all good things, someone who looks happy to be on the date, will probably receive an invitation for a second date, or an after date coffee πŸ˜‰

” Actually talks about themselves” – I want to know more about them, if you have nothing to say about yourself, you either come across as either very closed or boring, both are off putting on a first date.

” Has a life” (Ben’s words, not mine) – It’s good to be able to talk to people about what they enjoy doing and the things that they are interested in, these are good conversation starters!

” Ambition” – It’s nice to have someone who is ambitious, but too much ambition can sometimes be a little bit intimidating.

Ben’s ideal woman right here πŸ˜‰ 

” Touchy Feely ” – Touchy feely girls can come off in a few different ways, however there’s nothing wrong with a hand on the knee or shoulder.

” Too forward” – Girls that are too forward, are a no, this can give off a totally bad vibe on their part, it’s best to avoid being too forward.

She said:

“I have kids” – I think this can be a little bit hit and miss, as some girls will be okay with it, others not, however, for me, this really is something that wouldn’t fit in with my lifestyle.

“I caught feelings” – If a girl reciprocates those feelings, this is THE thing that girls want to hear, this is a total yes from me!

“Ex- Partners” – This from a girls perspective can cause a few warning signs, a lot of women can get quite defensive at the mention of an ex-girlfriend, so if they talk too much about ex-girlfriends, this may actually put me off quite a lot.

“Quiet people” – I think sometimes there’s a reason why people are quiet, like some people are shy, but if they are too quiet then it can be off putting!

“Annoying people” – Define what annoying is? As for me, people have certain things that annoy me, but they’d annoy me if someone else did them too, like people who eat with their mouth open, if you do that, you’re gone my friend.

“Fussy Eaters” – I’m not really sure where I stand on this, but I feel like it would be a pain to find somewhere to go on a date, so after a while, this might start to get massively on my nerves.

“Non- Enthusiastic” – I’m quite an anxious person on dates anyway, so if someone isn’t enthusiastic about being on a date with me, I feel like this would send my nerves/anxiety through the roof, so this wouldn’t be a good situation, so on this, it’s a definite no.

” People who are more interested in their phone” – Now, I’m someone who checks my phone regularly anyway, however if someone is just on their phone for the entire date, then we may have the same situation as non-enthusiasm.

” Openness about sex life (when out of context)” – I feel like, this is a no from me here, I don’t want to know on the first date that you’ve slept with 95 other women in your life, so this for me really would completely put me off.

” Bad conversationalists” – Talking is vital, I’m quite a chatty person but there is only so much conversation that I can make up for, so I feel like someone whose bad with conversation wouldn’t be right for me.

“People who throw things things” – I have literally no clue that on earth this means….

” Open minded people” – This is a big thing for me, as I really don’t gel well with narrow/ closed minded people, so not being open minded / open to other peoples views/ideas, really wouldn’t get you a second date.

” Smiley, happy, listening” – Someone who is attentive on a date and is happy to listen to what you have to say, or is just generally a smiley and happy person, is really, really attractive, so this would be second date material for me.

” Actually talks about themselves” –  Someone who talks about themselves (as long as it’s not overbearing) is quite nice, as it gives you an opportunity to get to know someone and see whether you have any common ground.

” Has a life” (Ben’s words, not mine) – Someone who has a life is quite important, I’m someone whose quite interested in other people and loves hearing about what other people do and enjoy, so for me its pivotal that someone has interests and a life of their own. It’s also important to have a life of your own so that a relationship doesn’t get too clingy for me.

” Ambition” – Ambition is a huge factor for me, I find ambition and drive quite attractive, someone who knows what they want out of life and where they want to take themselves is really important for me, you need to have goals.

” Touchy Feely ” –  Someone who is overly touchy feely just automatically gets a no from me, honestly, I’m all for a quick hug to say hello or something like that, but anything more in a date situation is just awkward.

” Too forward” –  This is probably the same as above for me, I feel like if you’re too forward on a date, it comes across as though you only want one thing, which I’ll be honest, for me, isn’t happening on the same date. So this is a definite non-second date material for me.

I think we covered a lot here, however if there is anything else that you would like us to cover, let me know in the comments!

As always thank you for reading!

Until next time!

Beth x

(Co-Author: Benjamin Protheroe)